One evening, I was having dinner with my good friend Laura, a wildly successful Internet entrepreneur who is constantly making decisions about her growing business. Laura and I love getting together and talking about business and boys over a scrumptious meal. This particular day, she had a rough time at work and was venting. Similarly, I was rambling about all my financial worries and career angst. In the midst of our vent session, I stepped back and realized that, although we were both dealing with challenges, we both felt capable of handling them. e problems we were facing had no real influence or power over our futures. If these weren’t the types of problems we wanted, we could simply make di?erent choices going forward and choose to have new problems. In fact, in that moment, I had this realization about happiness and choices:
SELF-LOVE PRINCIPLE #9
Happiness is not the absence of problems. It’s about choosing which types of problems you want and feeling empowered to accept and address them.
For example, I used to think that all my problems would magically be solved (or magically not matter anymore) once I found a man to sweep me o? my feet. It’s naïve, I know, but countless women consider finding The One as their life plan (and life jacket) all the time. However, being in a relationship can often be more di?cult than being single because you’re balancing the needs, wants, and idiosyncrasies of two people rather than just your own. When you have a boyfriend, fiancé, or husband, all your problems don’t magically dissolve; you just have a di?erent set of challenges.
As you move through life, in and out of various stages of relationships, you take your current problems and trade them in for di?erent ones. Of course, there are some problems like dishonesty that may follow you wherever you go—no matter how much you try to trade up. at’s why you have to be sure that you’re not running from your current problems. Face your problems and decide whether you’ll address them or let them go. That way, they won’t haunt you as you move into the next stage of your life.
What problem are you going to let go of?